March 10, 2011

How to Have a Better Divorce

Posted in Divorce tagged at 3:41 pm by demetriagraves

Who says divorce has to be a traumatic experience?  A common question I’m asked is what can I do to ensure a smooth and painless close to a marriage. Another common misconception is regarding consulting an attorney about divorce – this does not necessarily mean the marriage is over, so don’t be afraid to take the next step and get some legal advice if you’re considering that Divorce may be an option.

Divorce is a process that includes emotional, financial, and legal steps that ultimately end in the litigants being unmarried. Once the legalities are over, the hope is that the individuals involved will walk away, determined to begin a new and better life. Divorce is meant to give you that fresh start. Rather than wasting years of your life fighting over meaningless issues, which are remnants of a relationship that is already dead and only waiting to be buried.

Fighting during divorce negotiations only makes it more difficult to walk away from the legal entanglements of marriage without unnecessary trauma. The truth is that there are far worse fates than being young and single or old and alone. Growing old with a partner where life is suffused with resentment, indifference, and a lack of respect and caring is a life wasted.

There is nothing more fulfilling than a good marriage. There is nothing more debilitating than a bad marriage. Divorce can be a wrenching experience for everyone, whether you are the one leaving or the one being left. The choice, however, between a bad marriage and a good divorce would seem to be apparent. It’s important to keep the goal in sight, after the messy negotiations and arguments are over, divorce gives people a fresh start to lead better lives. Approaching divorce as an adventure means viewing a bad marriage as a reparable mistake.

There are no perfect circumstances for embarking upon the process of divorce. Even if one or both litigants want the divorce. The problem about divorce is that it is never only a matter of breaking a legal contract or dividing up assets, or even adjusting to life without a familiar partner. It is often complicated to explain to people that there isn’t anyone, including a professional, who can force a man or a woman who has been left, or worse, left for another, to understand that divorce is the best alternative to beginning a new life.

During the process of divorce, in addition to the legalities, people often leave a trail of misery in their wake—children, friends, and colleagues who will have definite reactions and judgments. The trick to having a good divorce is to accept the situation as irrevocable, sort out the true friends who lend support, ignore those who decide to judge you harshly, and, with the help of those loyal friends, family, a competent attorney.

Taking steps to end a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions anyone can make. All the negative and destructive emotions people feel during the separation, negotiations, and court appearances are normal. Finding happiness and contentment after divorce is also a process. It is important that people understand that millions have gone through what they are going through and it is tough going. With the right attitude and perspective, even if that means cutting off from those who judge negatively or those who have sided with the enemy, it is not only possible but probable that life will be better—with or without another partner.

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